the curse of the over-interested and under-couraged

Greetings world! I am here to face the truth… I am an example of your average 21st century twenty-something would-be professional who has no idea what exactly she is meant to do with her life.

Like so many reasonably intelligent individuals, I thought I was doing the right thing by holding off on attending college for a few years until I figured “it”out. Then I decided that it might be easier to figure “it” out if I attended some classes. Then “it” became “its” as I adopted three majors and took enough extra curricular courses that I should have been awarded a second degree for pure enthusiasm. Finally, six years and a few tens of thousands of dollars in debt later, having finally graduated with a degree in graphic design and honors distinction to boot, I am now closer to age 30 than 20 and I feel that I should finally have figured “it” out.

But no.

I mean yes, I do desire to set sexy pages of type, to problem solve my way to compelling identity solutions, to adobe-hot-key my way to stunning digital compositions, and to illustrate evocative posters and book covers and information graphics and so on. I do find gadgets almost unbearably enticing, art and fashion and architecture are things I can’t seem to get enough of, and discovering quality music and film and television is a long-term addiction of mine.

But I also long to spend my hours in a more analog manner. I dream of trying out new recipes daily, of baking and decorating beautiful cupcakes, of designing and sewing adorable softies and painting luscious abstract canvases with an actual brush and tube of golden acrylic!

I long to keep my nose in a book all day long, empowering myself with a masterful knowledge of the history of the world, the poetry of our great writers, and the ideas of the long line of philosophers who have lent their minds to the quivering complexities of our human world. In turn, I dream of crafting compelling turns-of-phrase so that my soul can mingle with the souls of the many in the universe of the written word.

I long to study the intricate dance between plants and animals, to grow enough food in my backyard to feed a neighborhood, to become a master of natural health and “folk” remedies, to help develop new solutions for how humans can live in the world instead of on top of it.

I say I want to earn a living provide value to the world by doing something that I love, and figuring out something I love does not seem to be the problem. But, if I choose one thing to specialize in, isn’t it necessarily to the detriment of everything else?!

In the end, it seems that I do not know how to commit the discipline to, or relegate faith in my abilities to succeed at, any one endeavor. And heaven knows there is not enough time in the day to excel at everything. And so most hours I sit indecisively still, soaking up the achievements of others through the multitudes of articles that pour into my Google Reader each day, feeling like the lamest jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none twenty-something ever.

Despite the fact that such a broad topic goes against the very wise suggestion of “niche blogging” put forth by so many successful writers and online publishers, if you will allow me, I shall explore these loves here, that I may give them the consideration they deserve.


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